The Uncomfortable Truth About Praise: Why We Struggle to Accept Compliments

Why do we struggle to accept compliments?

It’s funny how a conversation that starts about work can turn into an unexpected mentoring session. That’s the beauty of women—we genuinely care about each other. It’s not just about us; it’s about lifting one another up.

Over coffee last week, I was talking about how much I hate when someone tells me, "You’re good at everything." It makes me cringe. But my friend, without missing a beat, said, "You should have said, ‘Thank you. I work hard.’"

Wow. Did I just dim my own light in my own story?

I left that conversation deep in thought. Why did that comment make me feel "ick" in the first place? Was I afraid that accepting the compliment would make me seem arrogant? Was I worried about how others would perceive me?

I realized something: I do work hard. None of it was handed to me. I wanted to be an artist—I worked for it. I wanted to own a business—I put in the hours. I wanted to learn social media—I studied it. Leading a women’s initiative wasn’t on my radar, but I pour myself into it daily. So why is it so hard to own that?

The Uncomfortable Truth About Praise

Turns out, I’m not alone. Nearly 70% of people feel some level of embarrassment or discomfort when receiving recognition. According to research, our reaction to praise is often an unconscious, knee-jerk response shaped by culture, upbringing, and past experiences. We downplay, deflect, or brush off compliments without even realizing it.

But here’s something that shifted my perspective: recognition is often more about the giver than the receiver. When someone compliments you, they are expressing how your actions impacted them. They’re not asking if you agree.

That hit me hard. My instinct to dismiss praise wasn’t just selling myself short—it was rejecting someone else’s genuine gratitude.

Why Do We Struggle to Accept Recognition?

For me, the answer runs deep. Maybe I fear that accepting praise makes me seem full of myself. Maybe I think that if I acknowledge my own strengths, it somehow takes away from others. But the more I unpacked this, the more I saw a pattern: I love empowering other people, yet I struggle to let others empower me.

And maybe that’s the real issue. Not low self-esteem. Not arrogance. But a combination of imposter syndrome and people-pleasing.

When you feel like an imposter, your successes feel external, like they don’t truly belong to you. There’s a conflict between what you think of yourself and what you assume others think. And then there’s people-pleasing—the need to make sure everyone around you is happy, even if it means shrinking yourself.

A New Way Forward

So, what do we do with all of this?

We learn to accept praise. We let it sink in instead of brushing it off. We recognize that a compliment isn’t an evaluation—it’s someone’s expression of gratitude. It may be more about the giver than the receiver. And maybe, just maybe, we allow ourselves to feel worthy of the recognition we’ve earned.

So the next time someone tells me I’m good at something? I’ll try to take a deep breath and say, "Thank you. That means a lot”