The People-Pleasing Trap: Why Being 'Good at Everything' Isn't the Goal

I once met someone new, and they said, "Oh, my friend told me about you! She said, ‘Oh, Pam—she’s good at everything!’”

Ick.

Now, you might think, That’s so nice! I’d love for someone to say that about me! But that’s not how it made me feel. It made me feel… off. Because if that’s what people see, then they don’t know me at all.

The Problem with Being Seen as "Good at Everything"

Maybe they only see the polished version—the one leading a women’s initiative, speaking on stage, creating art, curating the perfect outfit, or learning life lessons in the wild.

But they don’t see the real me.

The me who wrestles with terrible anxiety. The me who desperately wants to please everyone. The me who fights imposter syndrome every time she steps into a room.

And the truth is, I’ve spent so much time making sure people see the good parts that I’ve kept the rest hidden. The part of me that can be surrounded by people yet feel completely alone. The part that feels my kids’ pain so deeply it physically hurts. The part that ignored every warning sign, bottled up every feeling, and kept pushing forward—until my body said enough and I found myself with shingles at 41.

When a Compliment Doesn’t Feel Like a Compliment

So why did that compliment bother me? Because it wasn’t true. And it made me ask myself—What parts of me am I leaving out just to make a good impression? What stories am I hiding so I don’t drop the mask?

For me, people-pleasing is the real struggle. I want people to like me, but I don’t always let them in. I hide behind what I do instead of showing who I am. I love people—I really do—but every book I’ve read about people-pleasing boils it down to one of two things:

1. You’re trying to manipulate people into liking you.

2. You need to be selfish and put yourself first.

   
   

Neither of those sit right with me. I don’t love people to manipulate them. But I do put my emotions, thoughts, and needs on hold to make sure everyone else is okay. And I don’t believe the answer is to swing the other way and make it all about me—I think God calls us to serve.

I Don't Know How to Fix People-Pleasing Yet

So no, this post isn’t about how to "fix" people-pleasing—I’m still figuring that out.

This is just me saying:

Hey, I struggle with people-pleasing.

Hey, I am not good at everything.

Hey, I get it—if you struggle too, I see you.

I carry everyone else’s emotions but won’t let anyone carry mine. I keep things surface-level because I’m always trying to give more than I take. But the more I hide behind that, the harder it becomes to show up as my real, imperfect self.

Embracing Who I Really Am

But I want to talk about it—about my stories of pleasing, failing, and struggling. Because at the end of the day, no one actually wants to be good at everything. That’s not real, and it’s not relatable.

I want to be good at being me—the person God designed me to be, showing up fully and loving others well.