Choosing Love When its Hard

Man, oh man, let’s spill some tea. (If you’re like, what’s tea? (It’s Gen Z slang for juicy truth, and honestly, I like it better than “spill the beans” or “let the cat out of the bag.”)

So here’s some tea: people can be wildly disappointing. I’ve been there—mad, walked over, hurt to my core, questioning if I’m even capable of loving well. The stories I could tell—but they’re not for the internet. Call me up for a cup of coffee or tea since we are spilling it, and we’ll talk, not to call anyone out, but because I’m learning from them, and maybe you can too.

Even knowing that people can be disappointing, I’m a people pleaser. I just want everyone to like me (recovering... but still). And as I grow older, I realize—I'm not everyone’s cup of tea. I know. Shocking, right? 😅. But I’m learning to be OK with that.

I can be the most loving and kind person on the planet, and I’ll still fall short for someone. There will be times when I’m not invited, misunderstood, or criticized unfairly. There will be people who don’t like me just because they don’t want to.

And what I’ve learned is: I can’t control anyone but me.

If that’s the case, then I better be seeking God’s grace and trying to live more like Jesus, because I need all the help I can get.

Love as a Verb

Every week, I talk about the fruits of the Spirit with a group of middle school girls (youth small group leader reporting for duty). No matter what season they’re in, no matter the drama, I always bring it back to these:

Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-control.

(Galatians 5:22-23)

And the greatest of these?

LOVE.

(1 Corinthians 13:13)

But not the mushy, middle school crush kind of love. I’m talking about love as a verb—love in action.

That’s why I love the Maya Angelou quote so much:

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Because how we treat people matters.

To their face, yes.

But also behind closed doors.

You can probably think back to middle school (or last year… or even last week) and remember a time someone made you feel amazing, and a time someone completely cut you at your knees. And if I had to guess, you remember the “cut down” moments more vividly.

That’s why this kind of love is hard.

It calls us to love others well even when we think they don’t deserve it.

Even when it’s the last thing we feel like doing.

Lessons from Holy Week

This week is Holy Week—the days leading up to Jesus’ death on the cross. It’s a heavy week.

It’s a week of betrayal, heartbreak, and immense love.

Let’s talk about Judas.

Judas was one of Jesus’ twelve disciples—one of His people.

And he agrees to betray Him for 30 pieces of silver.

“Then one of the Twelve—the one called Judas Iscariot—went to the chief priests and asked, ‘What are you willing to give me if I deliver him over to you?’ So they counted out for him thirty pieces of silver.” – Matthew 26:14-15

Savage, right?

And then there’s Peter.

Jesus is arrested, and Peter—another close bestie—is asked if he knows Him.

“Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard. And a servant girl came to him, saying, ‘You also were with Jesus of Galilee.’ But he denied it before them all, saying, ‘I do not know what you are saying.’” – Matthew 26:69-70

Y’all… Jesus was betrayed and denied by the people closest to Him.

And still… He washed their feet

At the Last Supper, Jesus knew exactly what was about to happen. He could’ve distanced himself. He could’ve called them out in front of everyone. But instead?

He washes their feet.

Y’all… if someone hurt me like that? Washing their feet would not be anywhere on my to-do list.

But Jesus serves the very people who will hurt and abandon Him. He chooses love. Action. Grace.   John 13: 1 - 17

So what do we do when people let us down?

We follow Jesus’ lead. We exhibit the fruits of the Spirit, not in our own strength, but through God’s grace, the Holy Spirit within us, and prayer.

Love is Kind

Let’s be clear—kindness is not weakness.

It’s not being a pushover or pretending we’re not hurt.

Kindness IS seeing the other person. Offering grace.

Forgiveness on your part and letting God do the heavy lifting.

Choosing not to repay evil for evil—not with gossip, not with bitterness, not even with that perfectly crafted side-eye comment that feels justified but doesn’t reflect Jesus.

Love is Patient

Being slow to anger. Not snapping when your nerves are fried. It’s giving space and time, even when you wish it could all just be okay again.

And when someone wrongs us, we pause. We breathe. We remember that reflecting God’s love doesn’t mean stuffing our feelings—it means choosing a better way to respond.

I hate conflict. I want to fix things immediately. I want peace. But sometimes healing takes time, and sometimes peace requires waiting.

Love is Self-Control

Look, sometimes we want to clap back. And maybe there’s a time and place to speak truth in love.

But most of the time? Fighting fire with fire just makes a bigger fire.

Self-control doesn’t mean silence—it means intentionality.

It’s choosing a response that honors God, even when your emotions are screaming something else.

So what’s the takeaway?

Friend, if you’re walking through a season where someone hurt you, left you out, or said something that broke a part of you, Jesus gets it. He’s lived it.

And still, He chose love.

So let’s be people who live love as a verb.

Not doormats. Not silent sufferers. But people of grace and truth. People who strive to act like Jesus. Who trust that God’s got it, even when people don’t.  Because here’s the full circle: our actions impact feelings, and feelings are what stick. People may forget what you said or did, but they won’t forget how you made them feel.